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• Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Approve Of Child Labor Laws But Agree That Kids Carrying Briefcases Would Be Cute

• Man Wearing M&M Leather Jacket Apparently Made In God's Image

• Nike Releases New Casual Sports Bra For Wearing Directly Under Coat While Shambling Around Grocery Store

• Man Struggling To Pierce Orange Peel With Fingernail Under Impression He Could Kill If He Had To

• Relationship In Exciting Early Stage Where Every Exchange Causes Unspeakable Anxiety

• Mother Of MMA Fighter Recalls Son Punching, Kicking Shit Out Of Everything From Early Age

• Woman Pieces Together Timeline Of Boyfriend's Past Relationships Like Detective Tracking Green River Killer

• Conair Introduces New Line Of Governess Hairbrushes For Raking Across The Scalps Of Insolent Little Girls

• Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

• Fuck, Tampon Scented

• WWE Announces 2017 WrestleMania Theme Will Be Springtime In Paris

• Man Approaches Unfamiliar Shower Head Like He Breaking Wild Stallion

• Empty "About Us" Page Leaves Chinese Buffet's Origins Shrouded In Mystery 

• Report: Friend Has Been Going By Middle Name This Whole Fucking Time

• God Completely Fucked Up After Huffing Gaseous Planet

• Farmer Chases 5th Bridal Party Out Of Barn This Month

• Best Part Is Going Through Hoop, Reports Basketball

• Pollsters Admit There No Way Of Predicting Mercurial Behaviors Of Beguiling Female Vote

• Bored Barron Trump Counts Confederate Flags In Inauguration Crowd To Pass Time

• Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives

• Opinion: We Welcome Everyone, Regardless Of Gender, To Use Our Piss- And Shit-Covered Bathrooms by the CEO of J.C. Penney